Category Archives: Randomalia

J C Ryle and Biblical Authority

‘If anyone asks me, ‘What is the best safeguard against false doctrine?’ I answer in one word: ‘The Bible – the Bible regularly read, regularly prayed over, regularly studied.’ We must go back to the old prescription of our Master: ‘Search the Scriptures’ (John 5:39 AV). If we want a weapon to wield against the devious schemes of Satan, there is nothing like ‘the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God’. But to wield it successfully, we must read it habitually, diligently, intelligently and prayerfully. This is a point on which, I fear, many fail. In an age of hurry and frenzied activity, few read their Bibles as much as they should. More books perhaps are read than ever, but less of the one book which makes man wise to salvation. Roman Catholicism and liberal theology could never have made such havoc in the church if there had not been a most superficial knowledge of the Scriptures throughout the land. A Bible-reading congregation is the strength of a church.’

- J. C. Ryle, first bishop of Liverpool

Underwhelmed

Has anyone else noticed the chronic overuse of the word ‘exciting’? It’s generally used in conjunction with ‘new product’, and usually serves to leave me underwhelmed. What can possibly be exciting about a new type of duster? As long as it does its job efficiently and doesn’t cost a bomb I’m happy with that – but excited? Never!

So here we are product developers; if you and your advertising people really must use THAT word, then perhaps perk up your products a bit. General rule of thumb; if you can buy it in a pharmacy and it has ‘wings’ it’s probably not exciting, that is, unless when you open the box out pops a magic flying suit. THAT would be exciting. If it comes in a jar and is used to add to strips of chicken because you can’t be bothered to cook a proper meal on a week night, it’s not exciting. But if on opening the jar, Genghis Khan and his hungry hoardes pop round with their ponies, and you wonder if it might be ethical to ask them if they wouldn’t mind babysitting, THAT’s exciting.

Incidentally, the Croquet Club in Portishead have organised an open day this spring. And because they are likely less miseducated than most, they are inviting punters to try out their ‘intriguing’ sport. Hurrah! They recognise that sedentary can only ever be intriguing, not exciting (unless there’s a bust-up because someone’s cheating). You know what, it might be worth turning up just to thank them for not misusing THAT word.

Sarum Primer

God be in my head, and in my understanding

God be in m eyes, and in my looking

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking

God be in my heart, and in my thinking

God be at my end, and at my departing.

- Sixteenth century Sarum Primer

Prayer for 2012

Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

I am yours and you are mine. I give you all I have and all I am today and forever. Your perfect will be done in my life.

Create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Cleanse me of anything unwholesome preventing me getting closer to you. Search me and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts, and see if there is any sin within me. Help me to repent of it and turn to you fully.

Give me the mind of Messiah, his love, care and wisdom. Fill me once again with your Holy Spirit. Show me, tell me what you would like me to pray for today. Let my heart be broken by the things that are breaking your heart – tell me what to pray for and how.

Please continue to protect, develop and bless our marriage. Develop in us an insatiable hunger for a closer relationship with you. Give us a daily baptism of your love, joy, peace, faith, strength, mercy, kindness, patience, goodness, gentleness, self-control, and righteousness.

Bless our little church and unify us. Help us spread the gospel and let our church grow with new believers. Open the eyes of those who don’t know you and reveal yourself to them. Let today be a day when multitudes turn to you. Keep our family in good health and help them turn to you, developing a close relationship with you.

Let me leave your presence hungrier for you than when I entered it. Let me always be grateful for your abundant blessings, but desperately hungry for more of you. Set my heart on fire with passion and unquenchable hunger for you.

Amen.

What I cannot say

I cannot say ‘our’ if I live only for myself.

I cannot say ‘Father’ if I do not endeavour each day to act like his child.

I cannot say ‘in heaven’ if I’m laying up no treasure there.

I cannot say ‘hallowed by your name’ if I am not striving for holiness.

I cannot say ‘your kingdom come’ if I am not doing all in my power to hasten that wonderful event.

I cannot say ‘your will be done’ if I am disobedient to his word.

I cannot say ‘on earth as it is in heaven’ if I’ll not serve him here and now.

I cannot say ‘give us today our daily bread’ if I am dishonest or seeking things using subterfuge.

I cannot say ‘forgive us our debts’ if I harbour a grudge against anyone.

I cannot say ‘lead us not into temptation’ if I deliberately place myself in its path.

I cannot say ‘deliver us from evil’ if I do not put on the whole armour of God.

I cannot say ‘yours is the Kingdom’ if I do not give the King the loyalty due him from a faithful subject.

I cannot atttribute to him ‘the power’ if I fear what men may do.

I cannot ascribe to him ‘the glory’ if I’m seeking honour only for myself.

And I cannot say ‘forever’ if the horizon  my life is bounded completely by time.

- Anon

Ten Components of Evangelism – by Brother Andrew

  1. Prophetic – listen to God’s prophetic word for today.  ‘Lord, cause me to hear your prophetic Word for my life today. And lead me to the places and people who need to receive that Word – even at the risk of being thought a fool. ‘
  2. Planning – Plan to do today what Scripture says. ‘Lord, help me to accept your prophetic Word today and plan my life based on it. Allow me to take the initiative even in enemy territory.’
  3. Prayer – Become persistent in prayer. ‘Lord, as I plan my life of service to you,  I pray for the working out of your will in my situation and I pray against every evil force that oposes your will.’
  4. Preparation – Prepare to live as a Christian full-time. ‘Lord, make me the proper tool in your hand. Cause me to grow in my relationship with you so that when opportunities arise to reap your harvest, I will be completely prepared.’
  5. Penetration – Penetrate every devil-inspired boundary or barrier. ‘Lord, help me to do something for your today that I have never done before.’
  6. Presence – Maximise your opportunities by being present. ‘Lord, show me how I can bring your presence to the places it is needed most, simply by being there myself.’
  7. Profile – Establish your profile as a Christian. ‘Lord, help me to live in such a way that your presence in my life is seen by others. Make me to be a blessing to someone today.’
  8. Permanence – Become part of a permanent presnece wherever you are. ‘Lord, you have called me for a purpose. Wherever you lead me, help me to stay there and serve you faithfully.’
  9. Proclamation – Use your platform to proclaim God’s message. ‘Lord,  thankyou that even though I’m in the midst of a spiritual battle, the victory is already yours. Help me to proclaim that victory today.’
  10. Power – Allow God’s power to flow through  you into a needy world. Lord, help me to surrender to your power and your greater purpose for my life.’

- taken from The Calling by Brother Andrew.

Ten Ps – Ten Prayers – Brother Andrew

Concept Step Daily Prayer
1. Prophetic Listen to God’s prophetic Word for today. Lord, cause me to hear your prophetic Word for my life today. And lead me to the places and people who need to receive that Word – even at the risk of being thought a fool.
2. Planning Plan to do today what Scripture says. Lord, help me to accept your prophetic Word today and plan my life based on it. Allow me to take the initiative in advancing you kingdom, and keep that initiative even in enemy territory.
3. Prayer Become persistent in prayer. Lord, as I plan my life of service to you, I pray for the working out of your will in my situation and I pray against every evil force that opposes your will.
4. Preparation Prepare to live as a Christian full time. Lord, make me the proper tool in your hand. Cause me to grow in my relationship with you so that when opportunities arise to reap your harvest, I will be completely prepared.
5. Penetration Penetrate every devil-inspired boundary or barrier. Lord, help me to do something for your today that I have never done before.
6. Presence Maximise your opportunities by being present. Lord, show me how I can bring your presence to the places it is needed most, simply by being there myself.
7. Profile Establish your profile as a Christian. Lord, help me to live in such a way that your presence in my life is seen by others. Make me to be a blessing to someone today.
Permanence Become part of a permanent presence wherever you are. Lord, you have called me for a purpose. Wherever you lead me, help me to stay there and serve you faithfully.
9. Proclamation Use your platform to proclaim God’s message. Lord, thank you that even though I’m in the midst of a spiritual battle, the victory is already yours. Help me to proclaim that victory today.
10. Power Allow God’s power to flow through you into a needy world. Lord, help me to surrender to your power and your greater purpose for my life.

Taken from ‘The Calling’ by Brother Andrew, 1996.

Hospital I-Spy

Make sure you’re getting the authentic NHS experience!

  • Being asked if you’ve had your ‘bowels open’. Score 1 point each time, and 10 bonus points if you’re asked three times in 24 hours.
  • Score 10 for a ride in a wheelchair that only goes backwards.
  • Score 2 if there’s a mad person on the ward.
  • Score 10 if he tries to get in bed with you.
  • Score 60 if you can’t figure out who the mad person is.
  • Score 5 if you get served burnt sweetcorn
  • Score 3 points each time your meal is two thirds yellow. Three in a row gives you a bonus of 10 points.
  • Score 20 points each time a visitor brings you grapes.
  • Score 5 if you get served the wrong meal.
  • Score 30 if they try to make out it’s your fault.
  • Score 20 if they give you a really rubbish explanation for your treatment.
  • Score 50 of they don’t even attempt an explanation.
  • Score 40 if your discharge is delayed by at least 4 hours. Score a further 15 points for each hour after this.
  • Score 25 if you learn to stay asleep while they check your BP for the 18th time in 24 hours.
  • Score 30 if your gag reflex disappears after repeatedly hearing old men coughing up phlegm.
  • Score 1 point each time you inapproriately get called ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’, or ‘love’.
  • Score 10 if while you’re there they use pillowcases as towels or sheets as pillowcases.
  • Get 50 points if there’s a shortage of pyjama bottoms.
  • Score 5 points each time someone speaks a little louder to you because you’re lying down/wearing night attire.

Circumcision

In the Bible circumcision is undertaken when the baby boy is eight days old. Vitamin K starts to be formed between days 5 and 7 of the baby’s life, also prothrombin peaks to 110% of normal for a day or two around day 8 before quickly dropping to normal. There’s two reasons why day 8 was the best day to circumcise.

Thanks again to Uncle Chuck Missler for this gem.