Since the complaints last week that there was no Knitting Friday, I’m trying to deliver a bumper crop of knitting badness; but as usual am limited by the paucity of current events of quality in the media. Very poor show, old chaps.
On the domestic front, I dropped a bottle of shampoo on my toe:
Blood everywhere, people. Don’t like seeing my blood, makes me feel funny.
That is why one has been wearing kinky boots to work. I remain happy and secure in my superior choice of husband. I am wearing boots for no other reason than that I haven’t been able to get shoes on. On the plus side, I have experienced my nursing skills firsthand, and am delighted to say that had the dressing I applied been carefully placed there by Disney bluebirds and a few of those kitteny things, it could not have been secured by a gentler touch.
Top news for some reason seems to be that some young whippersnapper got his cling-ons to close a road in Miami so he could use it as a drag strip.
Nice work, Bieber. Your parents must be proud.
With all that excitement, Miami Dade must wonder what hit it. Back in Blighty commuters were up against it as the jolly old Victoria line drew to a halt when someone concreted up the control room. With such bungling by the well-meaning workman, who needs anything more sinister to make a fine old mess?
Had to put this chap in. What a dude. Particularly loving the Londoners who are pretending they haven’t noticed that they’re sitting just along from crazy knitting man. Actually, that’s not fair – if there were more knitting, there’d be a lot less rage, and the world would be betterer. You know it.
Gym goers in California, while missing out on a Fox Cycling session (poor things), were treated to a bit of PT by Arnie. Obviously doing it just for laughs, and perhaps a little bit for ‘chari-dee’, but deffo not publicity. Perish the thought.
Would you look at that? He’s got a little six-pack and everything. Needs to work on the quads though. I know something that’s good for that.
Well if all that sweating and effort has got you a bit worked up, maybe just step across to Davos where the world financial elite are gathered to sort us out once and for all. Apparently. Would love to be a fly on the wall in some of their breakout sessions. Anyhow, more to the point – have you ever wondered how they cope with the pressure of all that stuff? And a highly pressurised environment it is, as you will know from high school chemmie, gas expands when it heats up, and as the hot air increases, so must the pressure. How relieved and thankful we all must be therefore, that Goldie Hawn is helping out. ‘How can a Hollywood actress play a part at strategic level in the global financial crisis?’ you say.
By facilitating meditation classes. Of course.
OK, I don’t know what they are either, but they’re suitably beige so you must be able to meditate with them, or on them, or something. Dunno, it’s not my area. But don’t worry, if anyone can fix it, Goldie can. Goldie or elves with magic calculators, and uh, let’s see, a magic money photocopying machine. Oh wait, we already tried that.
Mr Cameron is quite keen for the Great British public just to have ‘a bit of patience’. I think perhaps he’s right. But where did we hear that before? Take That would make truly remarkable ambassadors for global financial harmony, and might be quite nice to meditate on.
My money’s on (not literally, obv) someone coming up with the truly groundbreaking and radical suggestion of ‘Why don’t we just start over?’ You know, like when you’re into your 17th hour of the same game of Monopoly, you’re determined not to sleep until someone’s bankrupt, but you see your life stretching before you in an interminable round of ‘go to jail, get out of jail, pass go, and going back to bloody Old Kent Road’. Makes sense with a board game, not totally sure it would translate well in the world of real fiat.
Found a gap in Google. No one’s knitted Monopoly. How disappointing. So here’s a picture of a knitted shark eating a child instead:
Also no one’s knitted Take That either. But hey, who’s judging?
Interestingly, a knitting attempt has been made on Mr Cameron:
That’s Gordon Brown over his right shoulder. Got to be. And could it be Angela Merkel right there? And that stiff on her left side, is that the Scottish independence chappie? I don’t know about you though, but in this pic, Mr Cam looks more like Alan Titchmarsh. Wowsers. There’s a thought. Right there.
I’ll just leave you with that.
Oh, and this:
Wouldn’t be KF without Sloth of the Week.
Have a great weekend.