Knitting Friday – 11/4/14

It’s been a bit of a rubbish week news-wise, lots of not very nice things that I’m just not going to poke fun at. However, there’s always politicians, and people with egos.

And there you go, Russia’s still bubbling away. There’s a pretty piece of chaos right there – Ukraine’s energy bills have rocketed (nothing the rest of us aren’t used to), and because their cashflow is a bit, well, you know, Russia’s going to turn the gas tap off. The tricky thin right there, even if you have no affinity with Ukraine at all, is that much of Europe’s gas comes from that there pipe. You know what you need? Another jumper.

Yes you do.

In other news, Maria Miller, haver having been busted ages ago for being corrupt, has now resigned. I love the way she did it, kind of humble, and yet really really not. She came out with all the expected (and indeed, required) clichés which was the humble part, and then came out with her reason for resigning was because all the fuss being made was distracting her and the rest of the government from doing things. Right. So being corrupt is only a problem when people won’t stop talking loudly about it? There was nothing there about ‘Really sorry folks, I tried to get one over on you taxpayers, but fair cop, you caught me.’ Or ‘I will never sponge off the state again because I value my electorate, and if they can’t trust me not to pilfer, how can they trust me to do my job honourably?’ No, just the same old tosh.

David Cameron though, being the gentleman he is, swiftly distracted media attention by having a pop at UKIP. The liberal media loves a bit of UKIP bashing, and was as easily distracted as an over-amorous dog by the trajectory of a sausage tossed to prevent needless violation of one’s trouser leg. So apparently UKIP are a bit rubbish because they don’t bother to vote in the European parliament. Frankly I was surprised that they even turned up considering they’re so negative about Europe it’s a wonder they don’t take a leaf out of the Palestinians’ book and claim it doesn’t exist.

Confused about Europe, and not sure where your political views should lie? Here’s a handy ready-reckoner for (almost) all things European:


Pretzels Squattie toilets
Pizza Silly laws
Tortillas Euros
Battenburg cake – oh yes! Ganging up on Jews
Dvorak Grappa
European cars Polenta

Red denim

That settles that, then.

Moomins. There’s another great thing about Europe. See, Europe’s certainly got it’s place, but Belgium should stick to making chocolate, not laws.

Incidentally, as a tip for determining a media outlets bias – just look at the way leading figures are portrayed – Ed Milliband, often portrayed as a bit cross, but essentially quite normal. Nigel Farage? Always drinking beer. What does that say? Either that he’s always drinking beer, or some sub-editors have been a bit cheeky. If he drank as much beer as he appears to in the media, he’d be at least three times his size.

And headline of the week goes to…

the BBC for

What’s lurking inside the Bank of England’s vaults?

Always be a bit careful of asking a question in the headline. It’s always a bit dodge.

Q What’s lurking inside the Bank of England’s vaults?

A Hopefully a huge wodge of cold hard cash. Yeah, and gold. Lots of gold.

I mean if even the BoE hasn’t got any money, we’re stuffed.

And here’s the shark of the week:

You know how I found this pic? By searching ‘greyhound dressed as shark’. Don’t you just love Google?

Noticed a bit of a greyhound theme?

There’ll be a reason for that. More next week.

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