And again it’s a been a week of horribility. If that’s a word. However, in between the mothers murdering their kids, anti-Semitism in the Ukraine, and paedophilia, there are a few little gems of daftness.
Here’s a good one; if you haven’t seen a really decent headline since the one about the badgers in the back of Kelly Brook’s brother’s van, you might appreciate this gem of a BBC headline: ‘Are gardeners wrong to put crocks in plant pots?’ Now there’s a question and a half.
While training as a journalist, it was drilled in to me that every headline, and every story had to pass the ‘so what?’ test. Nice to see that the BBC haven’t quite got there yet. Are gardeners wrong to put crocks in plant pots? Who cares, mate.
In other news, Top Gear has admitted to staging traffic jams for entertainment. Surely not, you think. Top Gear has always been a realistic and trusted auto magazine show. It’s the first stop when researching one’s next car. Staged? Surely they wouldn’t stage the big stuff as well, like erm, building a bridge over the River Quai only to find they’d built it over the River Cock by mistake?
Whatever next? They’ll be saying that there’s more than one Stig. I mean, really.
Sports now, and Andy Murray has been given an honorary what-not from Stirling university, that’ll look nice on the mantelpiece with his other honorary what-nots. So what’s the deal? Why do inappropriate people get given doctorates and the like without having to do any work? (Remember that footballer who got a doctorate for having a heart attack on the pitch?!) Well what happens, is the universities get near the end of the academic year, and they know they have a graduation ceremony coming up – and they need to get someone to deliver a speech at it, for free. What do they do? Payment in kind. Get a celebrity, give him a doctorate, and his ego will be so coddled, he’ll say all the right stuff.
Cynical? Me? Heaven forbid.
This is a knitted periodical table of the elements. Humanity is getting stupider and stupider. Within a couple of generations, no one will know what the hell a periodic table is.
It’s also been a good week for research into the blindingly obvious. Oh hurrah for dumbing down and academic thickity. This is so brilliant, I have to quote a whole chunk of it:
‘The study, funded by the Department of Health, looked at many different factors which have an impact on children’s happiness or how much they worry. It found that seven-year-old children were happiest when they got on well with siblings, had fun with family members at weekends and had parents who did not shout or smack them.’
Hurrah for the Department of Health. You know what makes seven-year-olds even happier? Candy floss for breakfast and saying ‘poo’ and getting away with it.
Last but not least; the Cornish are being granted their own minority status. Nice. Not only do they have the best food (ice cream and pasties) in the British Isles, but now they are officially allowed a complex. I have to say though that as minorities go, in Britain, the left-handed people get the worst deal and are discriminated against every time they pick up a telephone, flush a loo or write something down. Ever wondered where the word ‘sinister’ comes from? Left-handed people, that’s where. The only minority in Britain that gets almost as rough a deal is ginger people. And if you’re leftie AND ginger, well. Can’t even begin to imagine the huge chips on shoulders developing right there.
Incidentally this is brilliant – buy a ginger beard to benefit Irish people with cancer. Go to this link: http://www.redheadconvention.com/product/hand-knitted-ginger-beard/
Now Irish people. There’s a minority…
Second best greyhound of the week:
Spit of my little Seón, don’t you think?
Have a good weekend.