You know it’s not an auspicious week when there’s a rotting whale threatening to explode. Always a bummer. Apparently every now and then a dead whale will float past the community of Trout River in Newfoundland. However, this one’s parked up and has been there for a week, rotting away.
I don’t know about you, but I prefer my whales white, knitted and with rabbits on.
Remember last week I was moaning that the world is getting stupider and stupider? (Actually, I think I’ve done that most weeks). Well thanks current academics with too much time on their hands, I think we’re closer to discovering why.
We don’t walk enough.
If we did more pointless walking, we’d be better rounded individuals. That sounds ridiculous, but I think the profs might have something right there.
People generally fill their time with technological crap. You wait for something or someone, what do you do? Play with your phone.
Someone receives a text, what do you do? Check to see if you’ve missed anything.
Got a spare few minutes? Find out what inane and pointless crap your friends have been getting up to on Facebook.
Why? Because we have been dumbed down so much we have no confidence in just being by ourselves. Just being in our own company is unbearable. Why? Because a) we’re not used to it and b) we might find that we start pondering stuff. You know thinking about important existential stuff rather than daily tosh that gets in the way of real life like ‘I must remember to fill up the car on the way home’ or ‘I wonder if husband has put the dinner on’ or ‘I really ought to stop having unnatural expectations of my spouse.’
So there’s the challenge. Over the weekend, just go for a walk. And here’s the novel thing; when your spouse says: ‘Where are you going?’ and you reply: ‘Out’ that’s really OK, and probably the first time you’ve gone for a pointless walk without having the hump with someone. Hey, it might be a whole new habit.
Or it might be as boring as crap, and not a patch on Candy Crush Saga.
In other news, the EU has banned the import of Indian mangoes. Because they have foreign flies on them. Mr Farage should be able to get some really decent material out of that little episode.
Disappointing headline of the week is an honour held by the BBC with: ‘Ukraine crisis: meeting the little green men’. Well naturally that conjures up mental pictures of:
But it turned out to be a BBC sub-editor trying to sex up something that we already suspected – some of the heavies going into the Ukraine probably aren’t local. And they wear green camouflage. Well thanks for that BBC.
Over in America, Bill Clinton has voiced his frustration at the difficulty of reaching world peace, and with exasperation similar to a jaded mother with squabbling 7-year-olds carelessly (well, I HOPE it was carelessly) said something along the lines of: ‘Well if some aliens show up, you’ll just to darn well get along, y’all.’
Does he know something we don’t?
Probably. And it’s probably not what you think.
For my part, I never trust a man who disputes the meaning of a modal verb. Sorry, but there it is.
And would you look at that; I love predictive text. ‘Bill Clinton’ comes out as ‘Bill Klingon’. I bet there’s someone somewhere reckoning he’s a reptilian or something.
As Ukraine gets its ‘little green men’ (yeah, whatever), Sinn Fein is claiming it’s seeing the dark side of the police. I’ll just ignore the irony there. of course little green men in Ireland are just that little bit different.
I don’t know about you, but I think the Putin guys are much scarier.
Oh whoops, did I give the game away?
And what you’ve all clearly been waiting for:
Greyhound of the week:
Seón Wesley Fox wearing his socks. Because it was cold.
Seriously, you people need to get one of these little chaps.
Have a good weekend.