Well, would you look at that, it’s Friday again.
There are two types of news – the banal stuff we can poke fun at, and then the stuff that matters. The stuff that matters is too violent, horrific and upsetting for Friday afternoon.
So instead we have Hello Kitty.
Why’s she in the headlines? Because apparently ‘Kitty’ isn’t a cat at all; she’s a human. That’s what her creators say.
Her fans were shocked; ‘What about her feline ears and her whiskers?’ they asked, desperately.
‘She walks around on two legs,’ was the response. I don’t know. Next they’ll be saying Miffy’s a squirrel and Big Ears is a paedophile.
Anyhow, I’d like to point out that that was a GLOBAL headline, and can officially state that the world genuinely does have NOTHING TO DO. Not only that, but an anthropologist is on the case. For some tricky jobs, that’s what you need. An anthropologist. I ought to know, I trained to be one. And was then unemployed. There was a survey of the top 25 most useless degrees. Sociology was in there, as predictably, were philosophy and psychology (the degree course to be seen in) but topping the bill, you guessed it. Anth.
Other ‘ists’ having a gay old time of it are geologists. They’ve been a bit worried about how some rocks have been moving about in America. See, if you’d worked a bit harder at school you could have been an academic and you could have studied this kind of thing. Wouldn’t that have been more fulfilling? Turns out for the rocks in Death Valley (nice) it gets a bit cold at night time and they slide about on ice a bit when the wind blows.
Well that’s that settled then.
Do you see what these are? They’re rocks with little crocheted coats on. To keep them warm, or trendy, or tidy. I have no idea. Why would you want to do such a thing? What’s wrong with au naturel? Clearly enough to make this weirdness necessary. Right.
Back to proper cats, and there’s a bank in Russia which is lending people cats as an incentive when they take out a mortgage. Having a cat at your housewarming party is consdered the thing to do. And if you spend too much time on the internet, you’ll know that Russians have a bit of a thing for using rugs like wallpaper as well. Well I suppose it does get a bit parky there and all.
Never been a cat person. Never will be a cat person.
So yes, get a mortgage, borrow a cat. Nice. That’s not quite the thing round by me; cats are hooligans. If dogs, humans, or politicians had a poo on your doorstep you’d be in with a shout of getting them slapped with an ASBO, but no, cats are protected. They can desecrate the neighbourhood, murder small squeaky animals and no one is allowed to say anything. Perhaps that’s what the REAL work of the Cats’ Protection League is about. I always thought there was something sinister about them. Cats are like the neighbourhood mafia. Feed one and you’ll never have strange poo in your garden again, object to encouraging the blasted things, and they’ll be there with the golden rain among your tulips, cute little sparrows WITH NO HEADS, and Mr Whippy amongst your carrots.
Sport now. And total non-story of the week goes to Wozniacki after her hair got caught in her tennis racket but she still won anyway. Er right. When I was writing, stories had to pass the ‘so what?’ test. I don’t think this one does. I don’t get it.
Second best greyhound of the week? Well it’s a tie, see.
And there we have it. At Christmas my darling Seón is going to look like an idiot. With antlers. Can’t wait.
Have a good weekend!