#SeantheGreyhound: What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get my computer to work.
#StG: What operating system is it?
Me: Microsoft Sloth. Why? What do you know about computers?
#StG: Tsk, Microsoft Sloth, huh? Is that the two-toed version?
Me: Yes, why?
#StG: Cheapskate. It’s a false economy; if you had the three-toed version you’d be able to update a lot quicker. Now you need to go into the c-panel clear your cache and delete your old temporary files, and reinstall. It’ll take hours. Particularly with all those plug-ins you keep installing.
And that, my dears, is the conversation I’d be having with my greyhound if he were able to talk. As it is, he can’t – so I just have to make the stuff up.